Open a window

because I am dying to scream for you (even though my face would rip in half if I did).  Thank goodness for music, because I would definitely have lost my edge if it weren't for Nujabes and Shing02.  I love you, but I can't really act on it, namely because I'd go INSANE if I had to (I'm afraid of love....and yet I need it in order to live....irony?) so I'm sorry but that period of my life had to end.  I just felt as if we were rushing things, and I needed to breathe...suffocation is NOT a good way to go.  *sigh*

Rotation through the 5th dimension

First dimension: vertical space (up and down)  :)
Second dimension: vertical and horizontal space
Third dimension: No. You know this.
Fourth dimension: time
5th dimension: theoretical

Let's just say my thoughts are completely out the window right now. I've lost touch with myself completely, constantly discovering and rediscovering different facets of my personality and values. It's like puberty, except not and three thousand times as confusing, plus there's a bit of being too nonchalant for my taste.

Rainbows of Fractured Light

Today I looked out at the sky this morning and saw the sun rise. It was about 6:35 in the morning. I was shocked to see that the colors of the rainbow were all there. Well, not all of them. Most of them. We had driven too far towards the sun, so I couldn't see the last color.  At around 7:20 I saw the sunset. It faded so quickly, too quickly to see the complete spectrum. I've missed so much by not paying attention. Or rather, paying attention too late.

.....My life wasn't ruined.....so maybe a bit of obliviousness is okay..........
Or maybe that only pertains to trivial things. I can't be sure.
Do I inted of finding out? Preferably, no. I'm not a people person.
Mi no comprende people. At all. I barely understand myself.
I try to though. Which must be worth something.

I hear the sun should be shining brightly tomorrow.

Roaring Pages

I'm not a big fan of this book. This story is so....disjointed. Full of memories, attempts at connecting to the past, trying to become one with something you have lost....way too close. Breathe. Books. Old. Soft. My little treasures, other worlds, gifts. Blue, no....gray. Or is it grey? Grey and soft. Thickly turning, so very soft and yet so quiet. Astounding. Shhh.  The pages are speaking, and I must listen.

Repetition

I realized that I've been listening to the same few songs for the past weekend. Pretty cool. Pianos. Cellos. Voice. Random Electronic stuff going on. Pretty nice. But then I realized why I kept listening to them. They gave me strength. Fight. I need these things. Much like I need a kick in the pants to keep going. *sigh* How quickly does time pass when you're alone in a crowded room? Not very.

Busted Mirrors

Yesterday was a good day. For me anyway. Most would say that it was horrible, but if you wait a minute you'll find out why.

Complete and total chaos. That's what it was like. Dealing with someone so different, so frustrating, it has the tendency to make me angry. On top of not getting homework done last night, I got into an argument with perhaps the only person that I may ever truly have feelings for.

He's abrasive. He's irrational. He's crude. He's an idiot. He's the worst memory of my young life, the darkest tragedy, the deepest pain.
He's kind. He's funny. He's smart. He's often right. He's perhaps the best thing that can (and will) ever happen to me.

The rain today brought me back. A time where I realized our dynamic.  Cyclical. Repitition. All our life truly is together. Wasted. Push and pull. Always fighting, making up, realizing, hate, love, anger, all over again, weaving in and out of each other. Basket to hold my memories.

What will work? Nothing? Life told through music. Speaks of lost love. Love never found. Or rather, never truly realized. Lust, sure. Nothing to offer, or lacking the will to see it? My problems. Yours. Ours. Stress. Homework. School. Friends. Drama. Music, music, music, all the time dancing, music some more, creative juices flowing, that confusing string of words, lyrical in my head. Stories through messages. Years worth of history all stored in a thread. Little glimpses of life. Broken and faded, lost...jaded? Let time pass and what then? Keep the thread, store it for the public to see and not speak about. Bite my lip, continue to deny everything. Disjointed thoughts, incohesive processes. Our story? Perhaps.

Gray Skies

Cold. Rain. Drops of glass on my skin.  I couldn't help thinking about the driving class I took not too long ago. Riding in the pretty messed up car, windows down, loud laughter, crazy conversations. That car housed love between friends. I miss that, being able to spend time with a crazy chick named Lizzie without worrying about anything else, at least for a few moments.  I say we do it again. But this time, we're taking my mom's car.  <3